One of the worst 2 weeks of my life,Hunter,10/26/2011

My mother,whom I blogged about falling before,broke her upper arm,& was doing physical therapy.Well,she fell again & broke her other upper arm.On my way home from driving her where she needed to go & my son where he had to go,the dh phones my son & puts me on the phone & he was sobbing,"there`s been an accident."My heart fell to my feet & all I could say was" no,no,no." We live in an isolated area & one elderly neighbor was driving down our dirt lane as he lives in the woods behind us & Bandit slipped his collar & started after him.He stopped & the dh got him under control & thought he had ahold of Hunter,& signaled the man to go.Hunter raced after him,he called him to stop,but he didn`t & my neighbor ran over Hunter`s head & killed him instantly.The dh had the hole dug & his head covered so I could still pet him when I got home ,before we covered him under the roses beside Max.I never thought I`d feel as bad as when Max died suddenly of cancer,but this has hit me so hard.I can`t eat,I want to blame everyone,including myself,& that night we had Savannah,our 4 year old granddaughter who kept asking about him even after I showed her his grave.
Sat.we had the other grandchild & had a snowstorm{I guess it was Sat.} that dumped 9 1/2 inches on us taking out our electric for 3 days we cooked on the woodstove & used our generator for the fridge & freezer.
Well,I decided to take Dominick & my son to a book fair going on nearby to support our local library.I thought it would take my mind off the space that Hunter occupied in this house,I couldn`t take it.We didn`t have electric,but I could still read a book by the oil lamp.
Well,I know it can only be God directing me & showing He is here with me as I roamed the books I found this book called When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold Kushner.Has that book ever helped me to get through this.I really believe I was headed to the hospital from some sort of breakdown.I still feel like my spirit is outside my body ,watching all activites go on around me but it is not personal or something,I can`t explain it.I loved that dog so much.He really blossomed when he came to live with us & in the short 3?years we had him,he was dear to everyone who met him.Everyone wanted to take him home.Those expressions he had on his face sometimes,particually when begging for a treat,made us giggle.He was 10,but still goofed around like a puppy.
But,getting back to this book,the man who wrote it is a Rabbi.I have read it over & over,it is a small book but very to the point.My God doesn`t want me to suffer or be hurt,He didn`t do this to teach me a lesson of some sort.The psalmist writes in the book of Psalms121:1  I lift mine eyes to the hills,from where does my help come ?My help comes from the Lord,the Maker of Heaven & Earth.I`m quoting a passage of his book.I understand he went through alot of "flack"from writing this book,but it so needed to be written.I thank God for directing me to it.
Shortly after this happenning,the news was on telling everyone of a 14 year old girl,out trick or treating,was struck & hit by a car.I imagined how her  family felt.She was just doing something that she loved,just as Hunter was showing off to his buddy,Bandit,& he ran right to the rainbow bridge.

I thought about just deleting this blog,who wants to read such things?but maybe along the way someone who needs this book as much as I do will get it & read it.