First of all,thanks to everyone who commented & said prayers for my family & I during the loss of my mom.I felt as if when I was growing up,I didn`t really have a mom.I depended on my grandmother alot for, well,alot of things.It was only in our later life that my mom & I became close.
I grew up with a loving mom,I see it all in the pictures that were took when I was small,but when I was 4 & my brother was born,my mom changed.I remember staying with my grandmother while my father took care of my brother & worked.My mom was put in a hospital & told she had schizophrenia.She underwent electric shock treatment,put on various pills,but when she came home,she still wasn`t "right".I,at age 10?would come home from school to discover my mother left in her car,taking all of the pots & pans & dishes,& silverware,I recall going to my friend`s house to ask for a spoon & a pan to make my father something to eat when he got home from work.You see,he was a diabectic & working in masonry,he needed to eat as soon as he got home.We never knew when she would return home,but she always did.My brother & I saw our father in comas already when we had to call the ambulance for him,I remember doing that myself several times.
She always came home,found a job,went to work,but alot of times did not take her meds.I`d miss time from school,social worker came out a few times,it was when my mom was on one of her delusions & I was up all night afraid of my parents fights.I wonder today why no one picked up on what I was going through just to get to school.I graduated,no one came to it but my friends family,I do not have a picture of me in my gown.Mom had a huge picture of herself in her gown,I could never figure that out how a poor farm girl had the money for expensive gowns & professional photos.
It wasn`t until I was much older that I found out my mom may have been raped.My grandfather drove my grandmother out of their home when he brought home his mistress & she could not take 5 small girls with her.The woman left my grandfather at some point,he was a terrible alcoholic,& he was left with 5 girls to raise.I believe something happenned to my mother then.My aunts all say mom was hit by lightenning during a horrible storm when she & her sisters were milking the cows on their dairy farm.She was sitting on the milking stool & was hit & the barn caught on fire & the cows went nuts.
I don`t know what occured.I do know those 5 little girls worked hard doing everything needed to do to keep the farm going,loading hay,you name it,they did it.
But as we grew older,her delusions became worse & she was court ordered to take her meds for schizophrenia.She didn`t comply,so was given an injection once a week which helped her alot.She started to realize some reality.
I never had a normal life with mom till after my dad died in 1996. She had been on social security disability & they were close when he died.I remember her saying to me,I made your father`s life hell,didn`t I? I almost cried at her rational thoughts.
Her injections changed to meds & she sometimes took too many,but we went though it with her.I feel my life could have been different.I was accepted at art school.I didn`t go because "strange electrical shocks" were coming from the phone when the school called.She screamed till I hung the phone up & gave up my dreams.
My grandmother took me for my drivers test & stood up for me when the officer was going to fail me as driving my grandmother`s car,I didn`t know where the high beams were.Hers were on the floor.She ran over like a little mother hen & took up for me,this being the car I wasn`t used to driving.I passed.
My grandmother is the one who signed for me to buy my first car.I could go on,maybe another day.I just wanted to give a "brief"picture of my life.
We buried my mom on Fri.,Sat.when I got the newspaper it was to find out my dh`s aunt Dolly had passed.We had another funeral to go to,in the same funeral hall,in the same room & same place for service & even the same graveyard.Unbelievable.We did not know she was ill,nor did anyone else.
At this time my dh`s younger brother is in the fight of his life with cancer.He will know tomorrow how bad he really is.I want to force him to go to Philadelphia cancer treatment if he still has hope.But what he & his wife & daughter decide will have to be.
To top everything off,my computer went down.Now I can`t find the proper disc for my pictures to blog,but I will post a few of the ones I had saved.
The brown thrashers are here,they are 2 weeks ahead of schedule.I can`t get my water pumps to work outside,so I went & bought a new system tonight at Sears.Those birds love the sound of water & I want them to stay as they usually do!