Wednesday, May 14, 2014

The last days

We are dealing with the last days of my husband`s life.I would love to write exactly what I`ve been going through,however no one could even guess that I`m dealing with all of this.I am so thankful for his family,they have been right there for me,I`m loving them & my friends to pieces.

What are your loved ones thinking as their body is preparing? I was with my grandfather during the last days of his life.He was not a blood relative,but the only grandfather I knew.He looked heavenward at someone-or more than one person,he spoke in his native tongue ,kissing his finger tips,reaching to the sky,kissing them again.My aunt told me he was talking with his mother.It was comforting to me.His voice was so tender & beautiful.His face was all aglow.Serene.Peaceful.

My husband isn`t that way-right now.I know in my heart that it is not long,though.He frowns,then reaches out.I wonder if he sees his brother.He has no pain,he says.He doesn`t reveal what he sees.I have learned a lot about dying by reading the hospice books.I had to get him a hospital bed,it was delivered last night at 8:30 pm.The nurse has been awesome.I`m so glad that he decided not to go back to the hospital so we were able to have hospice come in.I can`t believe that in a week,he has turned from bad to this bad. Last Tues.he just had 4 liters of fluid removed! Outpatient! I no longer have to give him his 5 insulin shots a day. His blood sugar has been so low. I just spent $90 on more insulin for him,now he doesn`t even need it.He doesn`t eat,drinks ensure,that is it,the diabetic kind of ensure.When they don`t eat,their body is preparing spiritually,the book says,they don`t need to eat,they don`t need that energy,they have to get it from within.I can understand that,guess that`s why he is frowning,it is difficult for him.

I wonder why some people are taken from us with the blink of an eye,a child dies in a car wreak,an unborn child dies the minute that they are born,but others get themselves prepared for death,dying slowly,dying within.Why is that?

My holes in the garden are dug,by me,but haven`t put plants in yet.I put Epsom salts in the holes,plus on the hydrangea's & azealas,it really makes my blue hydrangea's bluer.Makes the plants & seeds grow like crazy.Guess I`ll do a lot of canning this summer.My truck is full of compost,want to get mulch next,I need to get outside in nature once again,even if it is just for a couple of hours. How do people get themselves in trouble enough to be sent behind bars in jail? It would kill me not to be with my family,dogs,but most of all,out in the sunshine beating against my face.

I took Belle & Marlee,my son`s dog,to be spaded & given shots today.Over $800.My Belle has lyme disease.My Maggie had lyme disease & was vaccinated against it,but even given the antiboctic,a couple of years later she died.I pray for Belle.She is everyones fav dog except Chloe.People want to take both home with them.
I still got her vaccinated,& will start her on the antiboctic tomorrow. Rich`s sister,Sherry,stayed with the dh while I ran the dogs.

My body hurts,& I am sad,guess I`ll turn in early tonight.I wonder if I get in the hospital bed with the dh,would he get angry & yell at me? Yes,he has been that way...they go through that ,I am told..


Aleta said...

I'm so sorry, Phyllis, am praying for you. This is a difficult time and I pray God's strength will be with all of you.
Love you --

JoJo said...

I'm so heartbroken for you Phyllis. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Hang in there.

Tammy said...

I am so sorry Phyllis. There is little we can do from a distance to help or comfort you, but I pray and my heart breaks for the pain you are all going through.

Take care my friend.


Tammy said...

I am so sorry Phyllis. There is little we can do from a distance to help or comfort you, but I pray and my heart breaks for the pain you are all going through.

Take care my friend.


Joyful said...

I watched a close loved one die once. It happened kind of swiftly though it was in the background for a few years. It was so hard on all of us, yet there were bittersweet moments too. Now I watch another close loved one slowly going and losing strength. In both cases, it was/is very, very hard on me. I wish I was the type not to take on so much of the loss and pain. Though I've been through it I still can't imagine what you have been through and what you go through now. I'm thankful you have many of his family to help you through it. Hugs. xx

Teresa Powell Coltrin said...

This is terrible. I can only imagine your pain and grief. I will be praying for yours and his comfort.

Judy said...

I realized that I missed some of your blog posts. I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. Such sadness and grief to deal with. I don't know why some people die so quickly and others linger. My Dad has just be diagnosed with dementia and he's losing his short term memory. I find myself thinking wow, I hope that doesn't happen to me....Take care of yourself.