Friday, November 4, 2011

One of the worst 2 weeks of my life,Hunter,10/26/2011

My mother,whom I blogged about falling before,broke her upper arm,& was doing physical therapy.Well,she fell again & broke her other upper arm.On my way home from driving her where she needed to go & my son where he had to go,the dh phones my son & puts me on the phone & he was sobbing,"there`s been an accident."My heart fell to my feet & all I could say was" no,no,no." We live in an isolated area & one elderly neighbor was driving down our dirt lane as he lives in the woods behind us & Bandit slipped his collar & started after him.He stopped & the dh got him under control & thought he had ahold of Hunter,& signaled the man to go.Hunter raced after him,he called him to stop,but he didn`t & my neighbor ran over Hunter`s head & killed him instantly.The dh had the hole dug & his head covered so I could still pet him when I got home ,before we covered him under the roses beside Max.I never thought I`d feel as bad as when Max died suddenly of cancer,but this has hit me so hard.I can`t eat,I want to blame everyone,including myself,& that night we had Savannah,our 4 year old granddaughter who kept asking about him even after I showed her his grave.
Sat.we had the other grandchild & had a snowstorm{I guess it was Sat.} that dumped 9 1/2 inches on us taking out our electric for 3 days we cooked on the woodstove & used our generator for the fridge & freezer.
Well,I decided to take Dominick & my son to a book fair going on nearby to support our local library.I thought it would take my mind off the space that Hunter occupied in this house,I couldn`t take it.We didn`t have electric,but I could still read a book by the oil lamp.
Well,I know it can only be God directing me & showing He is here with me as I roamed the books I found this book called When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold Kushner.Has that book ever helped me to get through this.I really believe I was headed to the hospital from some sort of breakdown.I still feel like my spirit is outside my body ,watching all activites go on around me but it is not personal or something,I can`t explain it.I loved that dog so much.He really blossomed when he came to live with us & in the short 3?years we had him,he was dear to everyone who met him.Everyone wanted to take him home.Those expressions he had on his face sometimes,particually when begging for a treat,made us giggle.He was 10,but still goofed around like a puppy.
But,getting back to this book,the man who wrote it is a Rabbi.I have read it over & over,it is a small book but very to the point.My God doesn`t want me to suffer or be hurt,He didn`t do this to teach me a lesson of some sort.The psalmist writes in the book of Psalms121:1  I lift mine eyes to the hills,from where does my help come ?My help comes from the Lord,the Maker of Heaven & Earth.I`m quoting a passage of his book.I understand he went through alot of "flack"from writing this book,but it so needed to be written.I thank God for directing me to it.
Shortly after this happenning,the news was on telling everyone of a 14 year old girl,out trick or treating,was struck & hit by a car.I imagined how her  family felt.She was just doing something that she loved,just as Hunter was showing off to his buddy,Bandit,& he ran right to the rainbow bridge.
I thought about just deleting this blog,who wants to read such things?but maybe along the way someone who needs this book as much as I do will get it & read it.

9 comments:

A Brit in Tennessee said...

Ooh, what terrible weeks !
I hope your mom continues to get better, such a horrid thing to happen having both of her arms out of commission.

My heart goes out to you in the loss of your sweet boy Hunter, it just never get easier losing our pets.

Hugs friend...
~Jo

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

I'm glad you didn't delete this post. So many people only write about the 'happy things' in their life and I respect and admire you for keeping it real and telling your story and how you are feeling. I am so sorry to read the news about your Mother, I hope she is doing well!!

While I know I can't take away the pain you are feeling, I can send prayers for you to find peace and healing in your heart and that you find comfort. Please don't 'beat yourself up' for feeling the way you do--With all you have been through it's understandable, normal and part of the process. I've felt the same way many times. It passes, but it takes time.

Finally, I am really so very sorry for the loss of your precious Hunter...I hope you find comfort in your memories of him, and in knowing that you will see him again one day, and what a beautiful and wonderful day that will be.

Take care of yourself, okay?

V.L. Locey said...

So sorry to hear you`ve been having such hardships. I`m glad you didn`t delete this post, since we all share our lives in blog-world, the good and the bad. It`s what brings us closer.

Tammy said...

Phyllis,
I'm so very sorry about Hunter. I know how devastating that must be. We try so hard to protect our little fur buddies, but sometimes things just happen. My heart goes out to you.
Tammy

Mary said...

Hugs to you, dear SIL..

I think that having them go so suddenly is, in alot of ways, harder than if they'd had a disease and you knew they would be leaving...at least then you have time to prepare yourself for it.

These sudden shocks can really knock us off balance emotionally and spiritually...

Thanks for the tip on the book, I will pick up a copy. We all should, because there will come a time in every person's life when we will need the comfort and wisdom it offers.

Mary said...

Hugs to you, dear SIL..

I think that having them go so suddenly is, in alot of ways, harder than if they'd had a disease and you knew they would be leaving...at least then you have time to prepare yourself for it.

These sudden shocks can really knock us off balance emotionally and spiritually...

Thanks for the tip on the book, I will pick up a copy. We all should, because there will come a time in every person's life when we will need the comfort and wisdom it offers.

Mary said...

sorry for the double post.

Got itchy fingers today or something.

Alice said...

I am so sorry to read this. Sending some virtual hugs and prayers your way.

Lilac Haven said...

Sorry for your loss. Putting words and feeling on the page can be helpful.